By Attorney Thomas B. Mooney, Neag School of Education, University of Connecticut

The “Legal Question of the Week” is a regular feature of the CAS Weekly NewsBlast. We invite readers to submit short, law-related questions of practical concern to school administrators. Each week, we will select a question and publish an answer. While these answers cannot be considered formal legal advice, they may be of help to you and your colleagues. We may edit your questions, and we will not identify the authors. Please submit your questions to: legalmailbagcasciacorg. _________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Legal Mailbag:

I have been around the block, and vulgar language does not shock me. But I was truly shocked by the abusive language a parent used with one of my fourth-grade teachers. The parent’s son had acted out by throwing things and swearing in the middle of class. His teacher appropriately intervened in accordance with an established behavior plan, and she restrained him to prevent further disruption and danger to the other students. When she called the parent to report the incident, however, she was shocked. The parent was not grateful for the report. Oh no. The parent called her a f—ing little b—–, several times, and she threatened to call the police if my teacher ever put her hands on her son. My teacher was understandably shaken by the parent’s abusive tirade, and we are trying to figure out what to do. We do want to continue to communicate with this parent, but we both agree that no teacher should have to put up with such abuse. Should we cut the parent off now before it gets worse?

Signed,
Don’t Tread on Me

Dear Me:

We all agree that you and the teacher do not have to put up with abusive speech from a parent. However, maintaining communication with the parent is important for the child, and we should establish a strategy that will give the parent the chance to continue to communicate with you and the teacher in a reasonable manner.

Here, I suggest that you communicate with the parent in an escalating series of warnings before you decide to cut off all informal communications. Specifically, I would start with a meeting with the parent. You should inform the teacher of the meeting, but to keep things calm (if possible) I would not have the teacher present. However, I would ask the teacher to document, word-for-word, what the parent said to her for future reference. Also, I would have someone else present in case you need a witness later. At the meeting, I would explain to the parent that the teacher reported abusive language, and that you just want to be clear that you will not tolerate such language in communications between the parent and school. The parent may deny using such language, and if she does, simply restate your expectations and tell the parent that you are happy that the parent agrees.

If the parent is again abusive, again ask the teacher to document what the parent said, as specifically as possible. Then write a letter (or email) to the parent in which you (1) review your earlier meeting, (2) describe the new allegation (quoting the specific language the parent is alleged to have used), (3) warn the parent that any future incidents in which such abusive language is used will result in your suspending any informal communication between the teacher and the parent for a specified period of time, and (4) invite the parent to meet with you to discuss the situation, if she wishes.

If the parent again uses abusive language despite that warning, again ask the teacher to document what the parent said, again as specifically as possible. At this point, you will want to implement the consequences previously described. You should write (or email) the parent, describe the specific language she used, and inform her that until further notice all communications from her to the school should be in writing and should go through you. You cannot control the parent, to be sure, but you can clearly describe your expectations. If the parent continues and, for example, shows up unannounced and confronts you or the teacher, you should warn the parent and, if necessary, call the police to remove the parent as a trespasser.

Always remember that you and your teachers do not have to take abuse. We must make our expectations clear, and we should give parents a chance to rehabilitate themselves and restore more normal communications. If a parent abuses his/her opportunity to communicate with you or your teachers, however, you have the right and responsibility to protect yourself and your staff and limit communication to and from the parent to notes or emails unless and until the parent can conform to basic civilized norms.